Ok i'm sorry it's abstract, but could you tell me what you think, please?

Please read this poem. I'm sorry it's probably awful but I was bored and I wanted to try out something a little more abstract. Tell me what you like and dislike and how i could improve it, and what i should call it. thank you.



Free of my cage the colours of the world open up to my eyes

Colours that my body was hiding from me

“Cruel jailer,” I think, and I scratch at my arm,

“Now I’ve escaped, the bigger picture I see!”

Every sensation, magnified by intoxication

The percussion in my ears plays to the beat of the drumroll

And my feet dance to the tune of the sighted

With every slap, the earth shivers

And with every clap the air trembles

At my beck and at my call

The elements kiss my feet with solemn gratitude

And the beat of my heart pushes harder

To keep in tune

My voice rumbles through the ravines of ears

Ordering power, insisting on an audience

All heads turn to see me, stepping to the clouds

And the Gods shall receive me, shall greet me

At the gates

For I alone conquered the trick of sight

Who else knew but I

This little trick they played on us

They stole from us

And they will marvel at my sense

And praise me as their own

But oh the people,

So far below my feet

They do not understand

Because they are still blinded

I will show them

They will see what they never trusted

They will see my body lift in the air

And the angels caress my contours

And take my by hand and elbow

To my assigned throne

Which I can already see

Etched in clouds



My foot wanders to places unknown

Stepping into the abyss

The air strokes my face, aiding me

And the sun blasts against my back

Creating a halo about me

And all the colours explode in my head

The drums surrender to the shriek of the violin

And the clash of the symbol

The wail of the child

And the scream of the woman

As I lie in the earth

From which I was born

To lay down again

And breathe my last “Hallelujah”



PS if you're just gonna say it's too long then please don't waste your breath - ';Search for my tongue'; is a famous poem and it's much longer.Ok i'm sorry it's abstract, but could you tell me what you think, please?
I like it, and think it's pretty good. Must have taken you a long time! I can tell you put a lot of time and thought into it, the word choice is awesome and goes together perfectly. It may be abstract, but it's good. It's one of those great poems that is confusing but at the same time makes all the sense in the world. I write poetry a lot and no one usually gets mine but I always understand it. I would keep writing if I were you, you're good and poetry is a good way to get out pent up emotions.Ok i'm sorry it's abstract, but could you tell me what you think, please?
yes! i like it!

:D

good work!