Please help...Is cutting ties with family the best choice?

My story is very long but I will try to summarize it as much as possible. I am part of a family full of co-dependent, drug addicted women. I am one also, but recently I have entered treatment and am working hard on my recovery, doing everything suggested to do it right. My family still uses, denies having any problems, but will quickly admit to my problems and point out the mistakes I've made. Since I've sought help for my problem, my family has been lashing out and saying some very hurtful things. Telling me I'm pushing my family away and latching onto the wrong people, that I should be focusing on making amends, I'm being selfish. And I'm withholding my 2 year old daughter, even that I've been brainwashed and am in a cult! I have made a point to always see my family at least once a week or every other week at the least, that has not changed since my daughter's birth. So I hadn't pushed anyone away, until 3 weeks ago, I had enough and said I couldn't keep doing this. And I've kept my distance for the last 3 weeks. But now that I'm not on any mind altering substances anymore, I'm finally seeing how abusive and destructive these relationships are, and how much my family members are not seeing the reality in any situation, only their clouded, self-centered perception of it. I've been biting my tongue and keeping my cool while dealing with this for the past 5 months. But nothing is changing on their end. I have made huge changes in myself and how I talk to and treat them, but its not making a bit of difference, if anything its making them lash out more. I would have no problem cutting them all out of my life completey, but my daughter is really the only reason I haven't done that. They all love her and she loves them too. Another thing to think about; several members of my family supplied me with the substances I became addicted to at age 15 and was using for 10 years, up until just 6 months ago. That scares me to death about my daughter's future in this family.





I just don't understand what else I can do, or if I should even keep trying. I'm constantly finding myself trying to defend and explain myself to them. And all I want is to be happy and provide my daughter with the life every child deserves. I want a better life, healthy relationships and to have peace in my life.





I need an outside perspective. Please help if you can.


Thanks for your time.Please help...Is cutting ties with family the best choice?
Given the circumstances you describe, I'd say yes, for your own sanity and for your daughter's safety.Please help...Is cutting ties with family the best choice?
wow just reading the beinging was bad ok yea id say just sever ties with them cause trust me they will NOT change and i know you deserve way better than a bunch of people putting you down for your success i would just leave them and if you have to get the court involved so they cant take your child away
I think you need a fresh start in a new town and visit your family a couple of times a year. Ensure you remain clean for your daughter's sake.





Good luck.
i think its easier for a guy to turn his back on his family than a woman in this situation. Why? because women are more emotional.


I have on several occasions cut ties with my side of the family and did it in a hearbeat because their interference was not acceptable.


I only made contact again after a long period of time for the simple reason that because i had cut ties. On renewing the relationships i could determine how ';close'; those people got and how much they interfered. I could dictate how much involvement they had after that extended period of time simply because they had got used to be not being there for them to interfere.


You know u only live once. Why should u have that life dragged down by other people regardless of blood. You can choose your friends but you can not choose your family. BUT you can choose how much involvement they have in your life especially if they are negative and not positive.


I dont accept any disrespect from my family anymore simply because i stand on my own two feet and am financially stable. To put it plainly, i dont have to put up with their rubbish if i dont want too.


Its a choice thing. You dont have to do anything u dont want to. Its called freewill.
It sounds like your situation involves a lot more than you can describe, but what you need to think about is your daughter (which it seems you already are). Get her away from that situation and your family. It would be best to leave your family and get away from them. They are being negative about your decision to help yourself and that could initially be the cause of a relapse in the future. If you don't want to completely cut them out of your life, set up a PO box at a post office and send them letters back and forth but don't call them, don't visit them, don't give them your address. My soul advice is to just get your daughter away from them as soon as possible. When she is older she will understand and you need to trust that. Get her out while she is young otherwise she may develop a grudge against you. I wish you well and I hope everything goes in the right direction. Also I would talk to your treatment counselor about your situation. If you don't get out now, your family may endanger you with their habits and they may lash out and take things out on your daughter. Please take action accordingly and GOOD LUCK.
Cutting ties with your family is the right thing to do. Where there are continuing co-dependent relationships there is trouble for you and your own recovery. This is the rest of your life we are talking about here. Your child deserves to have the cycle broken and to grow up not knowing about a life of enabling and co-dependency. I give you credit for what you have done. I give you credit for fighting for yourself and your daughter.Perhaps the day will come when your family will realized, just as you have the self destructive path they have been going down. Until that day, comes there is nothing you can do. You know that you just can not make them understand or help themselves. However, you can continue your recovery and raise your daughter. Hold your head up high. You have alot to be proud of. KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!!!!!
Your family has been lashing out towards you, and you are also fearful that they will make it more likely for your daughter to have problems with drugs in the future. Although you would like your daughter to enjoy the love and attention of your family, it does not sound like they can provide a very positive environment or be good role models for your daughter. You also need to look after yourself and not let your family hurt you or discourage you from recovering. For you to have healthier relationships, it has to be with people willing to meet you in the middle. I believe your daughter will be fine with some distance from the family members that are being hurtful towards you-- you can still be open to you and your daughter having a relationship with them if they change their attitude in the future.
My own situation is very similar to yours so I will share with you what I did. I cut ties for my own sanity and that of my son, the only difference is my lot are too selfish and wrapped up in their own addictions to bother much with him and I wasn't going to allow him to grow up around people like that and think it is normal and acceptable.





Your daughter is young enough to adapt to not seeing these people, I think as she gets older you can make her aware of why you both no longer see them because of the bad influence they are etc. Let her know they make you unhappy but while she is at the age she is, she doesn't need to know all of this as she wouldn't understand.





I got slagged off to hell by my lot who I have cut ties with, they say I am a snob and that I think I am better than them, I get abusive texts now and again of one uncle asking me if I hate having their blood through my veins. They are all messed up by drugs and drink and from the outside looking in through a clear head I can see this now and I don't want no part of it.





I have been free for over two years of them all and it is great, I would never go down that road anymore. You are doing well as you are, keep on doing so and build a happy, healthy life for you and your daughter without them. You owe them nothing.





I wish you all the best x
They sound very childish %26amp; overly dramatic. Saying that you're selfish for wanting a better life for you %26amp; your child, shouldn't be looked down upon. Misery loves company, they figure, if you're as low as them, they won't have any level to compare too.


I think somethings are better left unsaid when it comes to things like this, but then again, those little things make the biggest difference. I think, for the sanity of you %26amp; the safety of your daughter, you should just refrain from being around them. If they freak out, be honest, tell them how they are %26amp; how you've changed for the better and don't need any negativity.





It always sucks when it comes to family complications, but one thing I know, is that you can never please them all. Do what you feel is right for you %26amp; your daughter, because that is all that really matters. They don't care what's good for you, nor are they even trying to accept change. They seem like cowards who just enjoy living in a black hole.





Live your life, enjoy your life how you intend it to be right for you. Why should you have to rearrange your life %26amp; feel guilty for their sake?





All the best =)
good for you for getting drug free you have to cut ties to them before they also have your daughter using drugs she will accept this as normal behavior when she grows up so yes move away start fresh and yes it will hurt and you will heal but you both will feel safer
Well done for getting clean, not only for you but also for the sake of your daughter. It seems that you need to cut contact with your family until they can get clean of drugs because there is always that chance that you could be sucked back into the bad habit you have tried so hard to break.





Although you love your family, it is very unwise to let your daughter grow up around drug addicts, you need to be doing everything in your power to show her a better way of life and you can't do that if you keep in contact with your family.





Its time to move on, and concentrate on the two of you, she is all the family you need.
When your WHOLE family were '' black '',


you'll have difficulty to make them '' white ''.





Communications will not dissolved anything.


You just have to keep away yourself from them a certain period.


Make them understand that you've really CHANGE.


One which they can differentiate it obviously.





Only then can you slowly '' pull '' them in as you show them the


'' MOULD '' and they'll be able to relate.





Get your strength from GOD and make sure you're not late for them.
You are right and they are wrong, end of sentence! You would be a very bad parent if you did anything that risks the safety and health of your child. Don't apologize. You are doing the wise and brave thing. I would make it clear to them that you cannot allow your daughter to be exposed to such an environment and then I would say goodbye. I respect you for your recovery and your effort to give your kid a better life.
Sometimes the only way to truly get better and make a change is to cut all ties (even if it's only for a temporary time period.) Doesn't matter whether it 's your family or your friends. If you are making a choice to change your life for your child, you must not allow yourself to be dragged back down to that negative level by your family (and it's quite common to attempt to shame someone for changing the dynamics, esp in a family sitch). It's not your responsibility to make them better either. They must come to that conclusion on their own terms, like you have done. Wishing you all the best and must congratulate you on facing this addiction head on. I wouldn't imagine that would be an easy thing to do.