Would you forgive ? How can I forgive myself?

Hey Everyone. Sorry that this is so long, but it’s been bothering me and I have to get it off my chest, and see what people’s opinions are so hopefully I can put my mind to rest. Here is my story as I best remember it and as truthfully as possible. About four years ago, I got drunk at a bar with a friend of mine. Sometime while he was up and away or after he left, I was sitting on a patio with a woman about my age (21) and I wanted to make a move on her, so I kissed her ( it must have lasted for a few seconds, and I tried sort of using the tongue, but I am still rather timid and pulled away after a bit so it’s not like I really have her a chance to respond to it) She did NOT kiss me. She didn’t say anything or ask me to stop, she seemed fine with it, maybe a bit surprised at most. Later I put my hand down in her pant and touched her bottom , though as we were both sitting down so I don’t think I got down too far ( not that I was trying to, I’m not sure what I was thinking other than I was an idiot.)



She never asked me to stop or seemed disrupted ( after all, if someone just leans over, kisses you full on with tongue and all, you’d say something right?, and then I’m sure if she had a problem with my touching she’d of said something.) anyways, when my friend came back and went to leave, some of her friends ( she was with others- she was not alone) said I should leave with him ( because he was asking me to walk home with him) but I wanted to stick around to talk with this woman. At the time I thought that they wanted me to leave with him just to be nice to the poor lad ( after all, I abandoned the poor guy for a 20 minute walk home - and yes, I have apologized profusely for my behaviour to him as well that night.) Later on in the night, I was walking, about to leave when a girl starting talking to me and said something along the lines of ‘hey, weren’t you the one who tried to stick your tongue down my friend’s throat?’ I was offended by her way of saying the question,



and likely embarrassed by my behaviour, and said no, to which she shook her head vertically , saying ‘yes, you did! Yes you did!”

but I don’t recall her being particularly rude about it. She may have also said ‘I think you better leave” though this might have just been me demonizing myself later, as I have no solid recollection of that happening, and I would assume that I would. (read below)

So here is my story NOW-



More than two years ago, I again remembered this event and it started really bothering me. Did this woman feel violated by my actions? Did I sexually assault someone? I became very harsh on myself and forgot to remember that it was a stupid thing I had done- but I didn’t force her to, and I would have stopped had she asked me to. I have been obsessive about the event and I am now taking meds for my depression. Though the meds have helped and my quality of life is returning, the questions still bother me - Is this woman alright? What if she had never kissed someone before and I violated that for her? Will I ever accept myself and be able to forgive myself and move on? I would never do something to hurt or violate another person, and I feel like I’ll never be able to fully forgive myself.

At the height of my depression I did not want to live and considered myself the worst, most vile scum on the planet, but I am starting to come around to realize I made an honest mistake and didn’t mean any harm by my actions. Please weigh in with your thoughts and answers to any of my questions.

I'm sorry if you have read this question before- part of my problem is OCD and I wish I could explain to you the compulsion to post the question and try to get some help.

If anyone is willing to talk to me, I would greatly apperciate it until lI can get back into councilling.Would you forgive ? How can I forgive myself?
Firstly, get yourself some counselling as soon as you can, it's clearly the only way you are ever going to get fully past this.

Secondly, if what you are saying is completely true and not twisted in any way I would think no more of it. Talk to as many women as you like and i highly doubt any of them will remember a drunken night in a bar 4 years ago, there will have been too many and this one night will have faded into insignicifance. You are right in saying that if someone was very uncomfortable with a situation they would have stopped you. A bar full of drunks is a breeding ground for this kind of thing.

She will not think anything of it, and if she does remember it, I imagine she laughs about it with her friends.

Put it behind you and go and get some help, it is not normal to feel like this and feel the need to obsessively post questions.

Good luck and I hope you're feeling better soon :)Would you forgive ? How can I forgive myself?
Stop asking this question.
Ok... You're just about as annoying as the New Jersey Guy, the ';Is my friend right'; guy, and yea... well, you get the picture...



P.S. Just like I always say... It's been months [possibly years] she's over it...get over it.
Nice fairytale.
Next time when in doubt...'don't'
Dude, after all these years, I can guarantee that the chick has forgotten what happened for a few seconds years ago. You need to get yourself to a therapist if you can't deal with the guilt by yourself. Good luck!
The obsessive nature of this repeated question makes it clear that there is only one solution to your problem. You must enter a monatary, away from all computers. You must take a lifeitme vow of silence and every morning at dawn you must slide a needle up the opening of your weiner. Every day at sun down you must flog yourself with a razor strop. Nothing short of this severe regimen will ever make you feel hole, my son.
Well yes you did techinically sexually assult someone, however it's not like you raped her.

If she felt violated she should have said something but you both were drinking.



I feel that I have heard this question before.

If you need to se a therapist, see a threapist but get off the meds and move on with your life. Meds aren't going to help you. Just decide to make better choices in the future.

This wasn't that big of a deal.



-Connor