I met this girl over four years ago at a ballroom dance at a time in my life when I was very depressed and needed friends who were willing to support me and offer a listening ear. She was actually somewhat similar in her situation. I appreciated the fact that she could relate to me with her own story, but I had to explain to her that I did not feel like she was actually listening fully to what I was attempting to say.
Over the next year, I slowly started to come out of my shell. I developed self confidence, charisma, positivity, and I became a helluva good ballroom dancer too. This friend of mine stuck by me when I needed somebody to talk too, but honestly I never felt like she learned how to be the kind of active listener that I needed, so it was usually easier to turn to other more emotionally stable friends for guidance. Even worse, as I overcame depression, I began to realize that just spending time with her, and listening to her manner of talk was an exhausting ordeal for me.
Here's a short list of her annoying social habits:
-Tells me long-winded stories about her day even though I never asked about it.
-Asks me about personal matters at public dances, and says ';what's your problem?'; if I tell her to please not bring that matter up, because I want to enjoy myself for the evening.
-She has practically ';trained'; me to always give her a hug when I arrive and when I leave, even though I don't want to.
-Makes a big deal about complimenting my appearances.
-She's bossy, and always have 3-4 canned excuses for her lazy dysfunctional personality.
-Did I mention she can talk forever? Yes she has Attention Deficit Disorder, and sometimes she acts like a 2 year old in Disneyland.
-Sometimes she forgets that I don't like being poked with her finger, until I remind her that I will break her finger if she does it again. After that she usually switches to sticking her tongue at me and then laughing because she thinks it's funny.
Believe it or not, she's 28 years old. She's about 50 pounds overweight, has stringy greasy hair, and has a bigger mustache than my guy friends, and she's been content living on unemployment and her parent's money for the past year while living alone and miserable in a dumpy apartment. I'm 29 years old, thin/athletic, very good looking, have had a steady job since 2003, one of the top ballroom dancers in the state, and a genuinely nice person and host to people every time I go out dancing.
Lately I'm not even wanting to go out dancing anymore, because I don't even want to deal with her. She's always at the Sunday dance. When she's not leeching off me, she leeches off 2 or 3 other guys, or my competition partner and my partner's sister. I don't even want to dance with her anymore, but I'm too nice to refuse an invitation, because I don't want to cause a scene.
What the heck am I supposed to do with her? Two of my friends can't stand her, and they both agree I need to tell the pig to back off (in less nice words) because she acts like she's ';turning me into her boyfriend'; with the hugging, attention, and dancing. It's hard for me to see it that way. Do women actually do this? They are both think she has some measure of control over me, and it's a bit embarrassing that I even put up with her crap.
She keeps saying we need to hang out more and she misses me (I've purposely been avoiding the dance the past month), and I told her ';you have a phone... try using it sometime'; (I have a sarcastically truthful sense of humor). Now I'm regretting that I even said this, because I don't have any more patience for enduring another hour of conversation with her. Her self-guilt is toxic, and for some reason she likes to remind me of past depressing issues (ie. layoffs at my work, car trouble), that I purposely cast out of mind mind so that I could enjoy the evening, but she puts that worry in my mind and that makes it very difficult to enjoy my time.
She is a real drag, and I think it's time to cut the fat.
No more mister nice guy. What do I need to do?What do I do with this toxic friendship? She's a pitiful person pulling me down to her level. What now?
Do you really need other people to tell you what to do with your life? Or are you looking for approval and permission?
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Well, I guess if you want to allow her to run your life based on things she MIGHT say....you actually think the friends that truly know you and other people see her for the ';drama queen'; she truly is will believe her and her stories over what they know about you...you apparently have trust issues with your ';friends';. If your ';friends'; and others know your reputation, I can't see why they'd believe her over you. But, they're your ';friends'; and you know them better than anyone.
she's entitled to her OPINION. By reacting to anything she says, true or not, you give validity and credence to her words and stories....you basically make what she says true.
Think about that for a while.What do I do with this toxic friendship? She's a pitiful person pulling me down to her level. What now?
u need to slap that BEEP!!! she will lern a lesson
she probably feels worse now that you're succeeding in life.
Find a hot jealous date to bring with you.
you are calling a person pig, leech etc who had once tried help you come out of a bad stage of your life. May be she likes you
just because she doesnot look good does not mean she cant love any one. you dont love her is another thing. No one
is expecting you to love her but dont entertain her lest she should feel that you are responding but if you ***** about your friend
infront of us, we would feel that you are a selfish person. so use some better words. Just an advice.
You can tell her that you have got a girl-friend and she needs your attention as she is not well something like that so that she tries to forget you.You may have to shout at her as not to treat you as boy-friend, trust me it will be good for both of you. She may cry for a while but then hate you and be away. If you carry on and allow her to develop emotions for you she may feel more hurted. So by shouting at her you are not hurting instead it is ';a stich in time saves nine'; kind of thing.
You have to tell her that you are sick of her actions and don't even want to be friends any more. She will be mad and she will be hurt SO WHAT isn't that how you feel with her crawling all over you. I have an old saying that if someone is going to be mad its not going to be me. WELL right now its you SO do the turn around and just out with it. Get it over and behind you. Then you can enjoy yourself at any dance you want to without her ruining your nite.
Maybe you are the kind of person that simply wants to let her down easy. My suggestion then is to get a really good excuse (read that, white lie) as to why you can't spend as much time with her anymore. Tell her that you are learning to play the guitar or something like that...and that you need to devote 2 to 3 hours a day to practice. Or, learning a foreign language (which is a good thing to do anyways). Or, some other excuse as to why you are limited in your time you can spend with her.
Just look at you watch when you meet her and say, ';Hey, it's great to see you. Yeah. But I hate to do this...gotta cut this short. You see, I have to go home real soon and study my Spanish. I really really want to learn how to speak it so I can take a cruise to Cancun sometime in 2012. But, it's great seeing you again! Bye!';
Talk to her about it all. Well at least try to talk to her about it. It honestly sounds like she needs you right now like you needed her all those years ago.
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